


why does the sun go on shining

by esctrl



Category: Girl Interrupted (1999)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 06:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5818273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esctrl/pseuds/esctrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Lisa’s still staring at the TV when she says, “and don't think I forgot about that kiss, Susanna Kaysen.”"</p>
<p>or, a different outlook on the scene in Daisy's apartment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	why does the sun go on shining

“Hey,” Lisa’s trying to open the door, and Susanna opens her eyes to see the door knob shaking and turning. She shuts her eyes back forcefully, but her mind entertains the possibility of Lisa being able to open the door.

“How long are you gonna be?” Lisa’s banging on the door now, so loudly that Susanna’s sure that Daisy’s gonna come down and tell them to leave. 

Susanna’s eyes are still closed, closed so tightly that she can see stars, and the pounding ceases. She thinks for a the slightest bit of moments that Lisa might’ve given up. 

Silence, and then Lisa’s voice again, quieter this time. “I wanna take a shower.” 

Susanna knows that’s a lie, she knows it’s just an excuse to see if she’ll actually open the door. It’s turned into a competition. She opens the door, Lisa has her beat, Lisa wins. 

Susanna keeps her eyes shut and takes in the silence again. It’s heavy, filled with tension that Lisa is practically trying to convey through the door, but Susanna tries willing herself to sleep anyway. 

Lisa sighs on the other side of the door. She hasn’t gave up yet. She probably never will. 

“Look,” Lisa says, and maybe Susanna’s imagining the tone of defeat in her voice. “I’m sorry,” 

Susanna opens her eyes and she’s staring at the door again. “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to,” 

Lisa sighs again, heavier, and there’s a light thud against the door like she’s resting against it. “Alright,” She finally says, “alright, fine. I’ll apologize to Daisy in the morning.” 

Another lie, this one, Susanna decides to call Lisa out on. “No, you won’t.” 

“I will,” Lisa assures her. “I promise.” 

Susanna still has her eyes open and a beat passes before Lisa’s voice floats through the door again. 

“Just come out of the bathroom already, okay?” 

Susanna finds herself sitting up on the cot, suddenly feeling too big for Daisy’s small bathroom. She wonders why it is that Lisa’s trying to persuade her out of the bathroom, so she could argue with her more, or maybe just to see if she could. Maybe it’s because she genuinely doesn’t want Susanna to be mad at her, but honestly, it surprises Susanna that Lisa cares. 

She decides to take the risk and stands up, walking to the door in tiny, sluggish steps, and she opens it. 

Lisa stands in front of her, looking at her from underneath the shadow of her brow, lips stretched back into a satisfied smile. Susanna walks out past her and sits on the fold-out sofa. Lisa remains lingering by the bathroom door. 

“You shouldn’t have said those things to her,” Susanna says without looking at her. 

Lisa, however, stares at Susanna like she’s the only thing in the room. “It's not like she didn't already know all of that,” Susanna hears Lisa say while her gaze is focused on Ruby, who’s sleeping on the floor beside the stairs. “I was just reminding her that just because she got released, that doesn't make her better than us, and it doesn't.” 

Lisa crosses the room and picks up her coat, which is lying on the couch beside Susanna, and rummages through her pocket for another cigarette. She’s purposefully trying to get in Susanna’s field of vision, and Susanna glances at her briefly before looking over towards the kitchen. 

She’s still wearing that satisfied smile, and even if Susanna didn’t look at her to discover this, she can practically hear it in her voice. 

She hears Lisa light her cigarette, and smoke drifts across the room. “Every once in awhile, somebody needs to pull you back down to earth where you belong, and I did that for Daisy.” 

Lisa says this like an excuse, and she tosses her coat in the chair beside the TV, circling around the sofa and lying down on the side opposite of Susanna. 

“But, I'll still apologize to her in the morning,” Susanna hears Lisa say. “however, that doesn't mean that I didn't mean every word of it. Maybe I shouldn't have said it, but what I said is true.” 

She managed to end the argument before Susanna ever got a word in, she had reached her own settlement. 

Susanna looks at her, and she’s laid back, one hand behind her head and another holding the cigarette, watching TV just as contently as she ever did. 

“Fine,” Susanna says, and it’s Lisa’s turn to look at her. The smile reappears for a brief matter of seconds. 

Susanna lies back beside of Lisa, keeping on her own respective side of the sofa, like she and Lisa have anymore boundaries left between them, and the television has become the only sound in the room. 

Susanna feels Lisa’s eyes on her even she’s turned over and her own are shut, and even when the feeling’s gone and at least fifteen minutes have passed, she still isn’t asleep. 

She opens her eyes to Ruby still sound asleep by the stairs. “Are we really going to Florida?” 

Her voice sounds so loud against the quiet droning of the television, but the question can’t be above a whisper. 

Lisa answers, “Yeah.” 

Susanna turns over and sees Lisa in the same position she was in fifteen minutes ago, her cigarette now nothing but ashes, and she’s watching the TV as if she’s in another universe. 

“We don’t have a safety net,” Susanna says, still cautious enough to keep her voice at a whisper. “like Daisy said.” 

Lisa’s gaze flickers to her, like she’s been snapped out of a trance, and her brows furrow in the slightest like she’s just now registering what Susanna’s saying. 

“What the fuck does Daisy know?” Lisa’s talking at normal volume now, and she puts out the cigarette on the end table beside her. “We have money, honey, and that’s all we need.” 

The hand once holding the cigarette goes to rest behind her head with the other, giving off this appearance of ease that may or may not be a facade. “Money can buy us plane tickets, money can buy us a place to stay, money can buy us all the luxuries and happiness we need.” 

“We don’t have _that_ much money,” Susanna reminds her, although she is sure Lisa is already aware of this. Maybe this is another hopeful dream of hers, just like the one where they’ll get hired to work at Disneyland. 

“We _will_ ,” Lisa says. “Disney isn’t some minimum wage job, they wouldn’t pay Cinderella and Snow White fucking minimum wage.” 

Susanna wishes everything were that simple, and yet Lisa has the ability to make it look like it is. She can decide if that’s either a pitiful quality about Lisa or an admirable one. 

Lisa’s still staring at the TV when she says, “and don't think I forgot about that kiss, Susanna Kaysen.” 

She then glances over at Susanna, probably to see her reaction, and smiles. An actual genuine smile, not the smug smirk she wore earlier. 

“I didn’t think you did,” Susanna says, because she can’t think of anything else to say. Especially when she, herself, had forgotten about the kiss she had given Lisa back on that Volkswagen bus. 

“What was that for, huh?” Lisa’s voice is soft and light compared to earlier. “Why’d you kiss me?” 

“I don’t know,” 

“Do you regret it?” Lisa sounds like she’s actually curious. 

“No,” 

“What if I kissed you, would that make us even?” 

Susanna wasn’t aware this was also a competition, so she doesn’t say anything, because, again, she doesn’t know what to say. 

Lisa moves, slowly and almost cautiously, planting a hand on the other side of Susanna, and she rolls on top of her, straddling her hips. 

Lisa has her head bent down so her and Susanna’s faces are inches apart, her hair curtaining around her face, and she’s wearing the genuine smile once again. “D’you want me to kiss you?” 

She smells like cigarettes and the shampoo that Susanna used back at the ward, and she has dark circles under her eyes, and it’s amazing how someone can look so dead and so alive at the same time. 

“Yeah,” Susanna says, and Lisa kisses her in a way she’s never experienced before. It’s all at once and it’s desperate and it almost hurts, and sure, Susanna has received her share of sloppy, needy kisses, but Lisa makes it feel so different that Susanna would be alright if Lisa was the only person she’s ever kissed in her entire life. 

Susanna’s sitting up, Lisa leaning back to follow her movements, and the kiss doesn’t break in the slightest. Lisa’s still all tongue and teeth and she has a hand tangled in Susanna’s hair while Susanna’s is gripping at her hip. It’s definitely not a bad kiss, it’s a great fucking kiss, and honestly, Susanna would be lying if she said she didn’t feel a little dizzy. 

It’s almost ironic how they’re just _there_ , making out on Daisy’s couch in her new apartment when they should be back at the ward, and hopefully, in a few days, they’ll be on their way to Florida, and the ward will be a thing of the past. 

The future will be just Lisa and Susanna in hot, sunny weather, dressed as fictional princesses, and Susanna isn’t sure what it is, but the idea doesn’t seem so far-fetched anymore. 

When Lisa pulls away, she’s laughing, this soft hint of a chuckle that has Susanna laughing too. 

Susanna kinda wants Lisa to fuck her, not on Daisy’s couch, but maybe in some nice hotel room in Florida with a view overlooking the city and all the time in the world. 

Lisa has her forehead resting against Susanna’s, her breath hot against Susanna’s face, and she thinks maybe Lisa’s gonna kiss her again, but she doesn’t. Instead, she says, in a throaty, scratchy voice Susanna hasn’t heard on her before, “We should get some sleep.” 

Before Susanna even has time to respond, Lisa rolling off of her and settling beside her, closer than where she was before. Susanna lies back down and Lisa snakes an arm around her torso immediately. 

Lisa’s a comforting warmth beside her, and Susanna shuts her eyes and she’s asleep within minutes. 

In the morning, when the sun is shining through the curtains and she has her head resting on Lisa’s chest, Susanna wakes up to the sound of Skeeter Davis being played upstairs.


End file.
